If you’re struggling to attract a date this time of year, don’t worry! These ten helpful tips will surely ensure your success in sending out irresistible love signals for your wanna-be S.O.

TIP 1 – Shower less

It’s a well-known fact in the scientific community that washing daily is extremely bad for your health. Not only is it damaging to the body and brain, but it washes away those oh-so-lovely scents that make you stand out from the crowd. Soap tends to slough away your natural, musky odor that could be the key to dating success.

TIP 2 – Huge prom-posals

Sure, it’s just homecoming, but who cares? Get up on that stage, pull out your sign, use your synchronized dancers, do it all! Make sure to wear something casual though to ensure your date doesn’t feel like you’re trying too hard. Stained sweatpants and muddy crocs will have your date saying, “What a catch!”

TIP 3 – Good old-fashioned meet-cutes

If you’ve never even talked to your date before, make the first chat the most memorable. Spill your entire apple juice on their nicest sweater, trip and faceplant at their feet, throw your pencil at them so you can go over and pick it up… these are all great ways to start lasting relationships.

TIP 4 – Cry, a lot

Did he or she say no? Cry! Cry often, cry hard. Eventually, they’ll be so guilty and saddened by your perpetually red eyes and snotty nose they’ll give in and go with you. It’ll work, trust me.

TIP 5 – Degrade their appearance

By breaking down their self-confidence and worth, you can be the sole person to build it back up. Hair cut they hate. Berate them about it! Dislike their laugh? Point it out every time! (Actually… maybe don’t do this one.)

TIP 6 – Push them into a body of water

Saving someone from drowning is incredibly romantic. They don’t have to know you pushed them!

TIP 7 – Make a billboard

As they drive down the highway, your ginormous billboard face will loom above the trees, reminding them of their love for you.