An Email from eVry College

Travis GG

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Greetings from your favorite college’s admissions committee!

As I’m sure you’ve heard, we offer only the finest academic community that will surely promote your intellectual development, a generous financial aid program that can support the needs of any family, and a beautiful college campus that you will instantly fall in love with! When you come here, you will experience a small liberal arts feel with the resources of a large research university, and we will provide generous funding for all your academic and study abroad endeavors.

What we won’t tell you about is our staggeringly high sexual assault rate that the apathetic administration seems powerless to decrease, the nearly one-month waiting list for depression treatment (a service our students are in dire need of), and our complete lack of school spirit outside of this facade the admissions office puts up. Sure, some people love it here (and don’t worry, we’ll make sure you meet them), but in general people here are kind of dead inside, and the university doesn’t want to fix it.

But, obviously, none of us are going to tell you any of this. Even if you try and find this information online in the Common Data Set, or other sources, you won’t find it. If you ask our tour guides about any of this, they just won’t tell you. In fact, they can only regurgitate what we tell them to tell you.

With all that said, we feel as if you have all the information you need in this email and our website in order to make a very educated decision about applying here. After all, half of the story is pretty much the entire story, right? Thanos certainly thought so.


Thank you for your consideration!