Difference in gender, effects on relationships
February 14, 2012
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Men think women are confusing. Women think men are confusing. Why is this, when a man makes sense to himself and other men and a woman makes sense to herself and other women? The answer is pretty simple, actually. Men and women are not only physically different, but emotionally and physiologically different too. The way the two genders look at things can sometimes make a relationship questionable. Simply understanding the way the other person thinks, might make your relationship last longer.
Your boyfriend wants to spend his Friday night over at his friend’s house playing video games and eating pizza. You want him to go see that new movie you’ve wanted to see for a month on its opening night. He says you can go on Saturday. He doesn’t understand why this solution upsets you.
Here’s why: Men and women don’t solve problems in the same way. Men use logic, and often pick the first solution that will be quick and effective, not thinking of how it might make you feel. “That’s usually how it is, not always. The majority of the time,” said Jared Repass (12), who has been in a relationship with Melodie Farnan (12) for three and a half years. They also don’t care how the solution is reached, just that there is one. From his eyes, he’s going out with his friends like planned, but still going on a date with you. Everyone wins.
From your eyes, your boyfriend is putting his friends first. Instead of going with you to the premiere, he would rather hang out with his buddies. That makes you angry, because you think he doesn’t care that he’s hurting your feelings. What’s actually happened is he doesn’t realize he’s hurt your feelings. When women solve problems, they put everything into consideration, and if they think a solution might result in hurting the other person, they often eliminate it. What women don’t understand is that men don’t do that. And men don’t care for sitting and chatting until a resolution is reached that makes them both happy.
Your mom’s birthday is coming up soon, and you want to bake her an amazing cake. However, the when the day to make the cake comes around, you realize you don’t know how. You have a day to figure out what you need to do to bake one.
A woman would look at this problem, and take it slowly. She would look at everything she had ever made similar to a cake, look over the instructions, and try to piece it all together. This is because women are intuitive thinkers. They look at all their knowledge on the topic, and everything that has happened to them relating to this topic, before piecing it together to make a new solution. “[I think about] everything that went wrong, he’s just thinking about now,” said Melodie.
On the other hand, a man would look at this problem and leave this one alone. He would consider all parts separately, instead of at the same time. He might even try solving it one way, and fail, and try again, because men learn better by trial and error.
You and your boyfriend have been fighting a lot, and every time you fight it reminds you of the last time you fought. This brings back a kind of pain, and even though you made up, it adds to the anger. But you don’t get it. He doesn’t seem upset about previous fights at all. For example, if you have a fight with your boyfriend because he forgot your birthday, and you’ve had this fight before, then you’ll remember it, because the disappointed feeling stays with you.
This is because women best remember things when they have a strong emotions attached to them. Chances are good if he makes you feel let down again, you’ll remember when he forgot your birthday, then you might be mad at him for that too.
Men, on the other hand, remember things best when there are similar events, or experiences involved. “Everyone can remember more if there’s an emotional tie in. If it’s going to be a memory, there will probably be some sort of visual to tie into it,” Beverly Newbern said, the psychology teacher at Hidden Valley. Based on what she said, maybe men remember emotions fairly well too
Every day you and your boyfriend go to the park and play catch, but you’re starting to feel like you’re drifting apart. However, he feels like you are closer than ever. Why?
For a girl, she will probably feel closer to her boyfriend when they talk, or just sit around. Girls like talking better, because it gives them an understanding of their boyfriend, and makes them feel closer. The cause of this is a higher sensitivity level. Cuddling, and having heart to heart conversations are the type of things girls like doing in a relationship.
But guys feel better and closer to their girlfriend when they have a physical tie in. If a couple hangs out a lot, or plays sports together, the guy feels a better connection than if they just talk. Maybe every once in a while you can play catch, or go for a walk.